About Duane Schafer

I am an average man, a citizen of Clinton County. I had been married for 24 years.  I have 5 children.  My wife was a stay at home mom.  I had always thought our marriage was a very happy one.  I thought my wife felt the same, as evidenced by words to me, and her frequent statements to our friends
about ''how wonderful her husband is.''

She began attending a local gym with a female friend, which led to the development of a number of co-ed relationships, which culminated in an affair with a married man. Soon I was told I was being sued for divorce! WHAT? I was crushed!  My children were shocked!  I staggered into an attorney's office because I was told I must.

Eventually all 5 of my children were begging me to fight for their right to live with me.  (Custody) I was devastated when the attorney told me it would cost me about 25 to 30 thousand dollars to "win'' my own children. I protested saying, ''but they all want to live with me''.  Eventually an official of the Friend of the Court told me that in spite of my wife's affair, I was ''equally culpable'' in the breakup of the marriage; it's called ''No Fault'' divorce. "You're both equally guilty and equally innocent'' she said.  I was stunned by the incongruity in something that calls itself the justice system. ''No fault'' ='' no justice''!  Where there is no justice the people cry out!  My children are now ''crying out'' because when there is no justice there is injustice, and the innocent become the guilty, as you will see in the following paragraphs.

Eventually a counselor was appointed by the court. He interviewed my children and afterwards sent a report to the court which stated, ''The blatant unfaithfulness of their mother, emotional harm that each has experienced and physical hurt for one of them has left indelible marks on these youth''!  My children described to this counselor many very painful experiences during this ''affair period''.  This led him to the usage of such terms as ''emotional upheaval'', ''bitterness'', ''extreme stress'', ''anxiety,'' and some 8 other adjectives to describe the children's emotional state due to this ''blatant unfaithfulness''!  He then stated ''though I want reconciliation (mom with kids) we must be certain that we are not placing the youth in harm's way by causing it to happen''.

However, in the no-fault ''equally guilty - equally innocent'' divorce culture, in which no one can be blamed, reconciliation MUST happen.  So this court appointed counselor, who was temporarily confused about the divorce industry's no value judgment rule, was now under pressure from the court to make sure it WOULD happen!  With a wink and a nod he indicated to me ''the court just wants to see the kids spend some time with mom''.  The clear implication was, the children's emotional pain must take a back seat to the court's ''nobody's at fault'' policy.  Dr. C had set a trap for himself and now the pressure was on!  The next 13 sessions were a nightmare in which he became very forceful and threatening, violating his own recommendation that ''we not cause it to happen.'' The children had to endure this counselor's coercion and intimidation such as, ''I had another boy who would not do what I told him to do''; you should see him now, yes sir, yes sir.''  He threatened to send reports to the court about how they ''would not cooperate with the process''.  He also stated ''I stuck my neck out for you guys and I feel very disrespected by you'', implying that they owed him something! This all culminated in a session where this counselor stated to my deeply hurting 13-year-old, ''Jonathan you have a very evil heart for not forgiving your mother." (Remember, the innocent become the guilty in this process).

This was not therapy. This was abuse - abuse that I am court ordered to pay for!  I'm his dad. I have raised him, taught him, and prayed with him, I know him better than this ''agent of the state''.  Jonathan was hurting!  He was not being rebellious.  This manipulation disguised as counseling was not in the best interest of the child.  I could not sit back and watch this man drive a wedge deeper and deeper between my boys and their mother, so that he could save face with the court!  I immediately filed a motion with the court to have this man removed as my children's counselor, which was granted.  Seven months later, however, he was reappointed and I was ordered by the ''family court'' judge to take my children back to this same man.

I decided that I would do everything possible to obey the court order which stated that the boys were ''to resume counseling with Dr. C." The boys were fearful about spending any time with Dr. C alone, and they appealed to me as their father to have some other adult go with them. They suggested some names.  There was nothing in the order that said that an adult of their choosing could not accompany them, so they made arrangements for exactly that.  The appointment was made and the boys showed up with their escort.  Dr. C refused to see the boys with anyone accompanying them, and turned them away, saying that he would see them without their chaperone or not at all! In response to this situation, the judge issued a clarification of the order, which now states ''there shall be no third party present during counseling.''

By this time, Dr. C has a 16-session track record which includes not only the threats and personal verbal attacks mentioned earlier, but several other very egregious abuses of power exercised by him against the boys for nothing more than his own self-aggrandizement.

I am now being threatened with jail time for essentially refusing to cooperate in the confiscation of my children, and the right as a custodial parent to make decisions for their safety and well being.  This action amounts to surrogate parenthood by this agent of the state. By the time you read this I could be in jail! If the court and this judge must send me as a father to jail for being the father my boys need me to be, then send me to jail they must! I will not be bribed with freedom from incarceration for usurpation of my parental responsibility! I would prefer to go to jail for doing what is right as a parent than staying free by doing what I know to be wrong! Shame on me for doing otherwise!  Parents, Beware.  If the ''system'' can do this to me now, what will they do to all of us in the future?  If we don't stand for our children who will?